Hadriel Inbox

[theweakhavepurpose]

INBOX This is... this is Deputy Pratt of the Hope County sheriff's department... art credit code credit

Comments

[theweakhavepurpose]

Heh. How the tables have turned.

Yeah but what you think is right, is actually good. There's a lot of people that have convinced themselves that what they think is the only way. You can convince yourself of just about anything - and if you believe it's right - you can commit atrocities without remorse.

But you're actually doing good. And that's pretty rare.

[unphase]

[she blushes even more]

Mother would be horrified. She was all about gaining power and prestige by any means necessary.

[theweakhavepurpose]

What for? Prestige doesn't get you anything. And what's the point of power if you're not gonna use it.

[unphase]

Ah, but prestige gets you respect. And it makes people fear what might happen if they cross you. And mother uses every bit of power she can gets her hands on.

[theweakhavepurpose]

To do what?

I sorta became a cop for the same thing. I wanted the respect, and people deferring to me. Kind of a power trip you know? But I didn't really .. do much with it. Not anything that matters.

[He maybe showed up to bars in his uniform because it would get him laid, but not much else.]

[unphase]

[she shrugs] Why does anyone want power? So they can impose their will on others.

What do you think would have mattered?

[theweakhavepurpose]

I could have helped more people. Been active in the community other than just enforcing laws. I dunno. There's a lot - but I didn't realize it at the time.

[unphase]

That's the problem with hindsight. Once something has passed, what should have been done instead is perfectly clear. But there's nothing we can do about it.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Yeah. I sorta worry about that here. That there's something more I should be doing, but I won't realize it until later.

[unphase]

I don't think anyone here could ask more of you. You're a good person and a good friend. That's got to count for something.

[theweakhavepurpose]

[Stop making him blush! ]

Thank you. I'm trying. I think. I feel like I'm trying.

[unphase]

[but it's so cute!]

You are. You're trying really hard. And I know that it can't be easy.

[theweakhavepurpose]

[Nuuuuu.]

It's really not. I feel like I'm a toddler back at pre-school learning how to share and what emotions are.

That shit with the cult really did a number on me. I guess I didn't really realize how hard it would be til I was out of there.

[unphase]

I'm not sure anyone ever really does realize how bad a situation is until they're out of it. Then, they can take a step back, think things through, and...try to find something close to balance again.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Hindsight is 20/20 right?

Yeah. I'll.. try and keep that in mind going forward.

[unphase]

Exactly. There are a lot of things I could've done differently, but didn't.

Good. You need to be a little kinder to yourself.

[theweakhavepurpose]

I know. But it's hard. I've never been kind to me. I don't even like me. Even before... all the cult shit.

[unphase]

You didn't? But--why?

[theweakhavepurpose]

I'm kinda a dick. And I'm short and scrawny and I'm no good at brawling so I lost a lot of fights in high school.

[He pauses, thinking about it.]

I wanted people to like me, so I sorta acted how I thought people wanted.

[unphase]

[firmly] You are not a dick. At least, you've never been one to me. And so what about all the rest? High school was what, five or six years ago?

[when she hears what he has to say, her voice softens]

You know you don't have to do that here. At least not with me.

[theweakhavepurpose]

[Like 8, oh no he's so old..]

Yeah but I'm also a cop so I like... should be good at that? I guess. I dunno. It seemed important at the time, but being here and being almost dead - all those priorities seem shallow and stupid now.

I'm trying not to. Which is probably why only three people talk to me. But at least it's genuine.

[unphase]

[she sighs and looks rueful] I've heard that death brings a lot of things into perspective. Almost death probably would, too.

I'm sure that more than three people talk to you. There's me, there's Peter, there's Jo, that's three right there. And what about the rest of the people who went with you on that mission?

[theweakhavepurpose]

Yeah, I guess so. Nate and Kettara and Carlisle too. Alright maybe I'm exaggerating and feeling sorry for myself. It's sort of ingrained in me.

Now I've got all this perspective I could bring home and improve myself with, but instead I'm just..

[Tied to a chair and dying, which he doesn't say because he knows how insistent Tinya is on him coming home with her. He'd like that, but he doesn't believe it possible.]

[unphase]

See? You have friends. Lots of friends who care about you and want you to be happy.

You're just going to make the most of what you've learned in the 30th century.

[she's accepting no arguments]

[theweakhavepurpose]

Right. You're right. Like always.

Okay. I know.

[He smiles cuz he knows this is an argument he will not win.]