[He takes a deep shuddery breath, very much not okay.]
But not this. This is too..
[too much. too close to home. too traumatizing. Take your pick. And the more he thinks about it the more worried he is that his "Normal and Sane Deputy Pratt" routine that he's trying to keep up, is going to shatter and everyone will know he's a basket case who could snap at any time and murder them all.
Or try to murder them all he'd probably get stopped by someone who could breathe fire three steps outside his door. Small comforts.]
[she waits for him to determine what he wants to talk about, if anything.
but she worries about him. given what she saw in his memories, she knows that he's witnessed a lot of awful stuff, even participated in some of it.
but then it comes down to what he was and was not culpable for doing and what was the product of fear and brainwashing.
she honestly can't say. and she doesn't feel comfortable judging his actions in those memories because she doesn't know how much was the brainwashing.
but she assumes that a lot of it was. the man he's spoken of being before the cult, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd willingly let people be attacked and killed by apparently sentient wolves. he just doesn't.
but if she knew he was worried about snapping and killing people, she'd have to respond as a part of the Guard.
however, her response would likely not be Guard-approved. she'd tell him flat-out that if he wanted to kill anybody, he should kill her. she wouldn't phase, wouldn't try to fight back. she'd stand there and let him do it. or not. whichever way it went, she'd accept the consequences]
I know you will be.
[she has the latter in spades and it doesn't seem like she's going anywhere]
I don't see why we can't? If the aliens ever let us leave, why shouldn't we tell them where we want to go. They'd owe us after we fed them all that time.
Can't wait to see what I look like with a receding hairline and two bad knees.
I don't think I'll make it that long.
[Not only is he a mess internally from all the starvation, he's subsisted on a diet of frozen fish sticks, candy, mountain dew, and pizza. So his lifespan is already in shambles.]
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[He takes a deep shuddery breath, very much not okay.]
But not this. This is too..
[too much. too close to home. too traumatizing. Take your pick. And the more he thinks about it the more worried he is that his "Normal and Sane Deputy Pratt" routine that he's trying to keep up, is going to shatter and everyone will know he's a basket case who could snap at any time and murder them all.
Or try to murder them all he'd probably get stopped by someone who could breathe fire three steps outside his door. Small comforts.]
I'll be fine. Eventually.
[Time and understanding.]
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but she worries about him. given what she saw in his memories, she knows that he's witnessed a lot of awful stuff, even participated in some of it.
but then it comes down to what he was and was not culpable for doing and what was the product of fear and brainwashing.
she honestly can't say. and she doesn't feel comfortable judging his actions in those memories because she doesn't know how much was the brainwashing.
but she assumes that a lot of it was. the man he's spoken of being before the cult, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd willingly let people be attacked and killed by apparently sentient wolves. he just doesn't.
but if she knew he was worried about snapping and killing people, she'd have to respond as a part of the Guard.
however, her response would likely not be Guard-approved. she'd tell him flat-out that if he wanted to kill anybody, he should kill her. she wouldn't phase, wouldn't try to fight back. she'd stand there and let him do it. or not. whichever way it went, she'd accept the consequences]
I know you will be.
[she has the latter in spades and it doesn't seem like she's going anywhere]
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Time right? Lots of time. I've only been here.. half a year. Maybe a few more and this'll all feel like a distant memory.
[ The way a lot of his life feels like now. ]
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Maybe? Even in the 30th century we say that time heals all wounds.
[she knows it's not as easy as that, but she's willing to stand beside him as he slowly heals]
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The future is disappointing.
[At least it's an attempt at a joke. That's something.]
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Nope. Unfortunately. It would be nice if they had, though, right?
It is. It really is.
[she knows. and she appreciates every effort he makes]
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Yeah, there are flying cars.
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[He'll have those Back to the Future shoes someday dammit.]
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[those Back to the what shoes?]
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[Or.. any life really.]
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[she hastens to reassure him]
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That.. sounds pretty good actually.
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It will take some time to get used to the tech, but I'll be there every day to help if you need it. It'll be fine. I'm so excited!
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[Which he's not entirely opposed to. Being dead means he doesn't have to deal with being.. well with being anymore. At all. That might be nice.]
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[never mind the fact that she might be dead in her own world. him dying isn't an option she's willing to allow]
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[He's pretty much exhausted his escape attempts at this point. Sitting around feeling what it's like for each organ to shut down individually.]
Everyone has to die sometime right?
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[and she remembers pain and the feeling of Jo's arms around her. but she's not ready to accept the fact that she's likely dead]
Eventually. When they're old. Like a hundred. Not when they're young, like you.
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Can't wait to see what I look like with a receding hairline and two bad knees.
I don't think I'll make it that long.
[Not only is he a mess internally from all the starvation, he's subsisted on a diet of frozen fish sticks, candy, mountain dew, and pizza. So his lifespan is already in shambles.]
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You will, too. I can get you to the best doctors in Metropolis, they'll take care of everything.
[she's determined. he's going with her]
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[He's pretty vain about his hair honestly.]
That all sounds good.. but... I don't think you understand how not okay I am.
[You planning to chase him into the wilderness when he has a complete breakdown and tries to find Jacob?]
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